Changing Barns??

[Ellie]

I need some direction from people who have been in my shoes. I've been with my current trainer for two years. She is an outstanding teacher with decades of experience and an exceptional individual in many ways. I truly adore her as a person and mentor. Unfortunately, other than lessons with her, I'm not as happy in the barn as I'd like to be. There are many fearful riders and at times, that's contageous. It's a great fit for them however, as they can do as much or as little as they want. The facility is open to outside riders which is a problem in the winter and it can be super crowded in our only (indoor) arena on rainy days. Think bumper cars. She has gone above and beyond to help me with my gelding, but honestly, we've not progressed very much. I think that the lower expectations of others at times sets the stage for all; if that makes sense.

I have an opportunity to move to a newly built barn with multiple arenas, quality instruction and acres of trails, which we don't have access to. I'm tempted, but at almost sixty years of age, change is hard. I know that I would deeply hurt my current instructor, as although she's been around the block more than once, we have a special friendship. At the same time, if I move, I'm a bit worried about being "overfaced" with a more rigerous program and it would be easy to just stay and accept being a lifetime lower level rider. But that's not what I want either. As you can see, it's a conundrum for me.

I've made a decision tree and it hasn't helped much. I'd love to her from others who have faced a similar situation.

[StraightForward]

Since you're close with your instructor, I'd first try to have a conversation about what could change to help you progress towards your goals. Maybe she thinks you're content staying at lower levels, but if you set a concrete goal of say, getting your bronze, and asking her what needs to happen to get there, she might up the expectations or put you in a stricter program, find times you can ride with the more experienced riders, or that kind of thing. If that doesn't pan out, if you have your own transportation, I might start with hauling out for lessons/clinics and get some new instructors' eyes on you at a minimum. I can identify as one of the more advanced and disciplined riders at my barn, which is currently on more of a path towards kids and very casual riders/owners. For the most part, I just do my own thing and get lessons when I can with outside trainers, and try to be resourceful by videoing my rides, using Ride iQ etc. to keep my progress going. If I have to, I get up and ride before work in winter so I have the space I need in the small indoor arena.

Good instructors don't want their pupils to flounder, so hopefully she will be supportive of you taking outside lessons, up to and including moving to the new barn. Life is short, so do what you need to do!

[exvet]

I agree with Straightforward but be prepared for a less than 'glorious' conclusion. I came to a similar crossroads with a previous trainer. We were friends as well as trainer-coach-student. Unfortunately as years went by, the more I heard, "I can't help you with that." the more frustrated I got. She is a wonderful person with a lot of information and insight; however, she also suffers from depression along with a wee bit of envy. I decided to take occasional lesson with someone else (I had participated in many clinics paying for her to audit) to get another perspective and let her know what my plans were (and why). Despite thinking I had approached the situation fairly and honestly, her depression got worse and she ended up 'forgetting' we had scheduled a lesson here and there. I confronted her with where I wanted to go with my riding and that I felt she needed to take care of herself first and at some point we might find the same 'chemistry' we had. That, unfortunately, didn't happen. The change was hard because she had helped me achieve many, many goals for a very long time. I am grateful and give her so much credit but her 'personal' demons along with her own admittance that she was stumped as to how to give me instruction beyond a certain point left me no other choice if I wanted to advance as a rider. I did and still do feel guilty but I also grew immensely as a rider and competitor. At 60, I will reiterate. Life IS short, so you do need to do what you feel is going to make you happy with your riding. Good luck with your decisions.

[chantal]

Agree with SF and exvet. The combination of instructor and friendship makes our sport hard. Been there done that. But things change and sometimes it's time to move on.

Change is hard, agreed.

I will add as my husband said when we decided to buy my horse 5 years ago, if not now, when?