Chisamba wrote:i am sorry your family were so late, and that it so poorly affects your plans. i like to be on time and was raised to be punctual to events, but my husband is awful horrible chronically late. it makes for so much stress and tension when anything is planned. i could never understand how anyone can be so entitled and selfish as to ruin other peoples plans.
then i started working with adults with mental disorders and one of the most common and very is a real behavioral disorder is anxiety about transitions. simply the stress of getting going. once you are there, its easier, but getting from doing one thing, to doing the next is very difficult for some. Individuals with poor self calming skills will have tantrums when it is time to get on the bus for day program. once they have actually transitioned, then its all over and they are ready for their plans, until the next transition
having seen and been taught to assist with in poorly functioning people, i see it i action in normally functioning people and realise that they have never been taught, or forced, to cope with this in social gatherings. because they are in most aspects fully functioning, it is seen as selfish and rude , and indeed it is selfish and rude, but some people have a very genuine stress about transitioning and it is evident in chronic lateness.
now, that is not an excuse. at some point in time, realize what your self defeating behaviours are, learn to overcome them, and be more considerate to others. or at least that is what i tell my dh, who has very many good points. ( but he will call me from work and say i am leaving , and i know he wants to leave and come home, but i can guarantee it will be at least half and hour before he actually gets out of the door)
Chisamba, that is a very valuable insight. I think we are all somewhere along the spectrum of various disorders! I would be interested in hearing about other insights you have gained from your work.
I like to have all details planned out in advance for activities and social events; if things change at the last minute, I need time to process the changes. I am not good at "going with the flow." This can drive my DH a bit bonkers...but I am always on time!