My project. Not sure why I got into this...

[boots-aregard]

Well, yes, I know, really. I saw my lovely grandchildren this past weekend and had a jolly time. 6 year old granddaughter, 2 year old grandson. We went to the children's museum and played. I bought them toys.

Today I bicycled my dog early, and saw a woman near a gathering of homeless folks, with a child, a 4 year old boy, trying to arrange her belongings into a hold all. A storm is coming in tonight, and she was setting up to sleep, in the open, with a 4 year old child.

I stopped and asked her if she knew of anywhere she could stay. A local motel, perhaps, if they had room vacant. Yes, there was one nearby. So I bought her 3 nights in the local motel, and brought food -- a hot chicken, some bread and peanut butter, pudding for dessert. Bananas and apples. Milk and cereal for breakfast. Gave her some money for coffee in the morning.

I brought a tarp to cover the belongings she couldn't haul to the room. I didn't help the 3 other homeless people at the same location. I didn't put them up in motel rooms.

She and her son had been living in a motor home parked on the street illegally, but the wheel went flat and it was "not mobile" so the police towed it. Now they have nowhere to live. The homeless shelters say she can call, tomorrow, about family shelters "between the hours of 10 and 11 in the morning" (and I'm sure there are good reasons for that) But that's it.

I doubt she has a phone. I do not know what will happen to her when 3 days pass. Maybe I'll buy another week for her, I don't know. Her life is not my problem. Her business is not my business. She isn't my responsibility. But I couldn't let that child sleep in the open during a storm.

I don't know how this story ends yet.

[Rosie B]

Bless you.

[PaulaO]

You did what you were needed to do. I understand your helping but I also understand wanting to not get involved. Perhaps put her in touch with social services? If you want to go the extra step, get her mobile home out of hock and fix the flat?

And yes, bless you. We need more caring people like you.

[Chisamba]

It does seem like getting her mobile home tire fixed might be most helpful. Im sure there is an impound fee. It was very kind of you to help them have shelter from the storm.

Let me know if you do more, and i will chip in a little.

However, it might be better to put her in touch with services in place to help.

[angela9823]

I agree about the mobile home. Not sure about your area, but our area has camp hosts at the parks. Perhaps she can apply to do something like that? It would allow free place to stay while she gets herself together. But even if she couldn't stay free there, it might be cheaper to rent a place there than the hotels charge.

How wonderful of you to do what you can. I think it is hard to get involved in the first place because you then feel you have to keep helping and they get dependent upon you so I completely understand the apprehension. I then think of those people that live these kind of situations to then rise up and become something great because of people like you helping. This little boy may be the one that invents something great in his lifetime and you may be the reason he does.

[boots-aregard]

Ah, some good news. She (may have) has a place to stay starting Monday. It sounded like she's given up on the RV, which has become "a camper" as we talked, so maybe that wasn't a good option anyway. Yesterday they were quite dirty -- I doubt the camper had running water. Now they are clean. She has to take her son (3 years, not 4) with her everywhere while she applies for aid. He's very happy and active -- too active for all the hoops she has to jump thru. I gave her some phone numbers (and the motel has a phone, yay!) of charities and social services. One of the charities has a pre-school program, so finger's crossed there. I'll go back with a bit more food tonight. I keep forgetting the darned Playdoh!

(Forgive the repeated words between here and TOB. I've appreciated the pointers people have given me, since I had no notion of where to begin. So I wanted to give everybody an update.)

It didn't rain last night, but that's just a delay, it will be coming thru this afternoon. I'm going to offer to do laundry for them, see if that helps. I hope they'll get that spot in the shelter on Monday. That'd be just great.

[Canyon]

Yay - that sounds like good progress!

Thank you for helping them out with immediate needs and heading them toward a longer-term solution.

[Rockabilly]

You're as bad as me and I mean that in a good way.

[bits]

I wouldn't give up on the camper. It's a roof (of some sort) over her head.

[orono]

Thank you for helping them.

[bits]

Where are you located? There's a children's home for homeless children here and there may be a place like it in your area.

https://www.pythianhome.org/#2825

[boots-aregard]

Interesting. Sad. Not sure yet, it's not quite noon.

So, I stopped by Friday night with some dinner, and found out that EVEN THOUGH the room had a phone and EVEN THOUGH I had given this mom a bunch of phone numbers of places that provide aid and reminded her that the offices would be closed on the weekend and she should call during the day (Friday), she had called none of them. So there's some serious lack of foresight going on here. They were showered and clean, and I told them I'd pick up laundry on Saturday noon because I had to come back to pay for 2 more nights. That would give her some time Saturday morning to pick up any extra clothes she'd left behind in her stash.

But when I came by at about 11 (having realized the motel might have an earlier "check out" time) the hotel owner said he would not extend their room. Apparently, they'd brought in overnight both (dirty) carts that they used on the road, and invited in some of their friends (my guess is to let them use the shower, but I don't really know) and the hotel owner said it was filthy and too much. When I was there at about 11, the owner opened the room for me to see -- they werent' there but their belongings were left behind: of course they don't know they've lost the room for the night. Belongings were strewn everywhere, but in fairness, it's a small room and there's only so much "place" for "stuff" and they lack the organization of actual luggage. There was fabric everywhere (no evidence of gathering for laundry) and many grocery items. I'm sure they expect to come back but will be surprised to be kicked out.

She thinks she has another place for Monday night, but Saturday and Sunday nights? I dunno. I drove out to see if I could find them and talk to them (to let the know they needed to move their stuff!) and could not find them. Will try again shortly.

I'm not sure my help has been all that much use beyond getting them clean. And I might need to call Child Protective Services, since the little boy has nowhere to sleep tonight.

This kind of work is probably best left to professionals who understand the other deficits that accompany homelessness. Since I am not a provider of any real kind, I can't require any performance from her. I can't make her make the phone calls. I can't help her thru the aid process if she doesn't want to go. Not to generalize too much from a single instance, but there might need to be a bit of an outside coercive element to take the place of the survival mechanism most of us have but she seems to lack. It might be as simple as an inability to read, masked under other things. But it seems odd to stop seeking when one has a nebulous promise of a bed Monday night. What about the time in between? What about other kinds of aid? What about applying for a cell phone at least?

(It might also be experience. I did call many of the aid provider phone numbers myself and sifted through absolutely ENDLESS phone trees. The Santa Clara Social Services office seems to be entirely devoted to acronym development, and switching them every 6 months. Their phone tree was a tangle of re-identification of basic programs by different 7 letter mashups. Another office seemed completely dedicated to "reporting welfare abuse!" before any whisper of actually functioning to provide aid. Another announced their phone line hours [which I was within] but there was no selection on any of the phone tree options I wandered that actually got me to a human. She might very well know all this already.)

[orono]

"No good deed....etc". I'm sorry to hear things have taken that sort of turn. I would probably call CPS, and then distance myself from the situation. I understand that not everyone can help themselves, but you gave her a big leg up and many tools to use.

[Ryeissa]

yes, I agree. i would report and move on. you did what you could. There is probably something deeper here, as you said.

[ThursdayNext]

You got into this because you have a sense of humanity, and your sense told you no child should be living on the street, especially in a rainstorm. And you wanted to make a difference. ... Those impulses represent the best of who we are as human beings -- caring, compassionate, loving, earnest.

The issues here are, of course, what led to homelessness and how to break that cycle. Often, we're talking about mental illness or drug addiction, maybe both. For some reason -- anxiety, depression, whatever -- she is unable to lift herself up, even when she has the physical resources to do so (a phone, phone numbers, warm and dry shelter, quiet). She is, for whatever reason, incapacitated. She also may be concerned (or she should be) that her son will be taken away if she contacts these services. The reality is, he should not be living on the street. As a mom, if I was unable to care for my child, I would be all over the social services pronto. But her lack of action in this regard tells me she isn't functional. Something is broken that can't be fixed by a short stay in a hotel, food and warm clothes. So, yes, I would figure out who has jurisdiction when those things fail. I think a community services officer at the local police department might be able to point you in the right direction. Then you have all these questions of whether the boy is better off in foster care if the mom doesn't have functional relatives willing or able to take him in, or whether he's more at risk with her in a homeless camp. ... It is a sad mess.

Thank you for your kindness.

[ThursdayNext]

One more thing. Sorry. ... Of course it's extremely difficult/maybe impossible to help someone who won't help themselves. So frustrating. That image of the little boy packing their things in the carryall: Even at this extremely young age, he is taking care of his mother. And maybe that will forge in him a sense of resilience and resourcefulness that will carry him up and out of the homeless camps and off the streets into a life where his own children aren't subject to the same fate. But at this age, someone should care for him, protect him. I do not love the foster system at all, but I also know the risks of sexual assault and homicide on the street surrounded by others on drugs or fighting mental illness. I have to think the foster care system might be better if they can't get the mother to come in off the street and help her get into a position where she can work and support herself and her son. ...

[Tarlo Farm]

Anybody remember the book I read about five years ago that described the entrenched mindset of the generational underprivileged? I remember raving about it (and was going to search/ask anyway) It wasn't a Ruby Payne, but almost a novel of a family in the Brooklyn area (?) It would help you Boots understand the lack of organization and the inviting in of friends to share and shower
And I totally agree about Protective Services for the baby. Today. You did way more than try to help - you DID help.