Speaking of Gifts

Hayburner
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Speaking of Gifts

Postby Hayburner » Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:24 pm

Maybe I'm getting old or like Carrie Bradshaw regarding gifts and my being single w/o children. LOL

Here's my grip/complaints -

I have a friend that when she moved to her new home - I bought her very expensive bowls/platters as a house warming gift. She has 3 sons that I have been invited to their graduations, 1 wedding shower, wedding, 1 baby shower, her and her husbands 60th birthday party and probably a few other occasions thrown in over the years. The cost to me is usually $75 to $100 - more for weddings. Also, have sent flowers for her family members funerals, which is always a $100.

When I separated and bought my own home - she never acknowledge my move with a card or a gift. She has never acknowledged any of my birthdays. Basically, in the 18 years I've known her, I have not received any type of gift from her. Financially, she and her husband are well set, so it's not a money issue.

Her middle son's girl friend is pregnant, I'm sure I will be invited to the baby shower and wedding (if there is one).

I'm tired of the gift giving when it is not reciprocated in any way!

I have a few other friends that are pretty much the same, because they have kids, I get invited to all their functions. These friends I rarely see anymore due to my working, and now having two horses that fill all of my non-working hours. I rarely see them and yes, that's my fault for not being available, but I guess I'm just tired of all the one sided gift giving to people I rarely see anymore. The last one was a friends 50th birthday party, spent $50 and also took food to that party. I never even got a Thank You note....and I haven't spoken or seen her since then, which was December.
I was invited to her wedding which was a destination wedding, I didn't go since I could not find anyone to share a room with and I didn't feel safe staying alone. I did give her a $100 gift card, I did get a Thank You note for that. But, her other friends were mad that I didn't go, so I've been shunned a bit. They felt I should have gone since we are all friends, even if I had to pay double occupancy and stay in a foreign city alone.

I guess my best choice is to just not go to the function and just send a card. I'd feel so cheap doing that, but all this gift giving is getting old. I know it's not their fault I don't have kids, but I do still have birthdays, LOL...

Sorry for the rant!

WheresMyWhite
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby WheresMyWhite » Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:50 pm

I though gift giving was in the giving, not in the spirit of getting reciprocal receiving.

IMO, either give gifts because you enjoy giving or don't give gifts at all.

Just me...

PaulaO
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby PaulaO » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:23 pm

Yep, send a card but don't go to the function. If you don't see these people much, you don't need to go to their parties. And certainly don't send flowers to the funerals. That really is not necessary (seriously. Just send a card).

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Chisamba
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby Chisamba » Fri Apr 07, 2017 7:40 pm

Its a funny old world. When my husband and I got married, ( went off quietly and got married with no family present, and did not have a wedding shower etc) his sister and mother had hysterics, because if we got married before her ( big wedding) people would not spend as much on her gifts. some people really do plan their wedding invitations for the gifts. I was honestly shocked. I agree with Paulo O. I think its okay to just send a card. give gifts to people you love, because you love them.

amygdala
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby amygdala » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:37 pm

and i gotta say, your friends don't sound very uh, friendly....

Rockabilly
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby Rockabilly » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:17 pm

Well, I am just an old fart and I feel exactly as you do. If one goes out of their way to think of you, acknowledge events in your life with gifts, cards and flowers I think one should say thank you, preferably with a handwritten thank you, but as I said I am an old fart and I believe in manners and I believe manners is one thing that helps keep society civilized, but people have taught me well. I no longer go out of my way for them or think about or spend money on gifts. I have gotten basically no appreciation after all my effort. I could get on my soapbox about the lack of manners in today's world, but I won't because so far I am having a nice day.

PaulaO
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby PaulaO » Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:43 pm

Maybe we should start an old farts club. Get off my lawn!

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chantal
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Re: Speaking of Gifts

Postby chantal » Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:40 pm

PaulaO wrote:Maybe we should start an old farts club. Get off my lawn!


DH can't wait to sit on the porch with black socks and sandals and put a huge "F" on the lawn and yell at kids to "Get the F off the lawn" as they go by... yea, you wanna know what else we talk about? :lol:

I am always taken aback by the generosity of others, my parents were quite tight with money (in some ways, so generous in others) so I most likely err on that side too. Our financial situation has gotten better so I am purposely trying to pay it forward (or back) now. But I always send a thank you or call or be sure to show the person I am thankful for their gift. But I do make sure it's truly a gift and not something forced.


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