"Never a lender or borrower be" is good advice.

[Rockabilly]

Some years ago I loaned my beautiful Laura Ashley coat to my sister-in-law. She has not spoken to me in years and so much was happening in my life that I never asked for it back. I would like it back. I thought of writing her a note asking for it back and to take it to the dry cleaners where I could pick it up.

What do you think? Is this a crazy idea?

[Benatus]

No harm in asking, but be prepared for a sad outcome.

[Rockabilly]

No harm in asking, but be prepared for a sad outcome.

You're right, Benatus, but I won't be sad. I won't be disappointed either. I will just accept it as it is, but really wondering about asking for it back. This "family" is so fractured and dysfunctional that it will never be fixed.

[Koolkat]

I will just accept it as it is, but really wondering about asking for it back. This "family" is so fractured and dysfunctional that it will never be fixed.

I'm sorry to hear this, Rockabilly. Regardless, you have such a good hearted nature, I know you can send a note that would kind and at the same time, fairly ask for your coat back. And if she choses not to do the right thing, you will be able to live with having written a note that was only in good faith.

[PaulaO]

If you truly believed how flawed your family is, don't bother to ask for it back. You would get no response, or sadly your SIL might go nuts on you. Is it possible to find a replacement coat on eBay or other used clothing sites? That might be easier than getting into family bizness.

[Canyon]

I would write a note to her. You would like the coat back, and there is a (maybe very) remote possibility that she is embarrassed by how long she has had it and would be willing to give it back.

[Kelo]

I've always believed the saying about "lend things expecting to never get it back."

As in, if you DO get it back, it's a bonus. That includes money or items or whatever. If you're not willing to not get it back, then don't lend it.

It is a good way to operate. I've lent some things that I didn't get back and never worried about it, and lent a few things that I shouldn't have, wish I still had them. And in a few cases I got pleasantly surprised.

I would say depending on how volatile the relationship, it's at least worth asking -- but expect that it's gone forever.

[Srhorselady]

Be aware that since this is an item of clothing it may now be “worn” enough that you won’t want it. Even the most favorite clothing item fades with age so I wouldn’t expect it to be in a condition to be worn after several years. So getting it back might not be a blessing. However, if this might be the first contact that might be good for the family relationship then go for it.

[Rockabilly]

Thank You all for your responses. I read them with great interest. I did send her a note, very polite, asking for the coat back. I asked her to drop it off at a dry cleaner's and I would pick it up from there. Whether she does it or not I have no idea. I don't want a relationship with her. She destroyed that. I would like the coat back. The coat is considered vintage now and worth $600.00.

[Hayburner]

If she had any intention of returning it she would have done it long ago. Hopefully she responds in kind to your request.

[Chancellor]

So, Enquiring minds want to know...what came of this?

[Rockabilly]

So, Enquiring minds want to know...what came of this?

So as they say in the south I was fixing to call the laundry and see it they had anything for me and I have just discovered they are only open limited hours and days right now so I wasn't able to talk to them yet, I haven't given up.

[Rockabilly]

So, Enquiring minds want to know...what came of this?

ah......no coat

[Koolkat]

I have to admit, not surprised by this outcome. This would require her to take some sort of action in a bit of a vacuum (if that makes sense). I appreciate your feelings in this regard as to contact, but IMO, the most likely way to get the coat back would be one which requires little/zero effort from her. You would need to pick it up directly.

[Josette]

Not to be negative here - but she may no longer have the coat.

[Rockabilly]

I have decided to let this go. I have too many other positive things to do in my life, but I know what kind of person she is. I've probably always known it as she is on her 5th husband. Anyway, I found a coat exactly like it on Etsy and I am going to buy it and be done with the whole situation. Fresh vegetables from my Amish neighbors are coming in and I have pickles to make! Thank You all for your wise words.

[Srhorselady]

That sounds like a very healthy decision Rockabilly! You can’t do anything about your relative, but letting this go will free you. And I like your decision to replace the coat that brought you so much pleasure.

[Chancellor]

I have decided to let this go. I have too many other positive things to do in my life, but I know what kind of person she is. I've probably always known it as she is on her 5th husband. Anyway, I found a coat exactly like it on Etsy and I am going to buy it and be done with the whole situation. Fresh vegetables from my Amish neighbors are coming in and I have pickles to make! Thank You all for your wise words.

Someday, I aspire to be your kind of person Rockabilly

[Rockabilly]

I have decided to let this go. I have too many other positive things to do in my life, but I know what kind of person she is. I've probably always known it as she is on her 5th husband. Anyway, I found a coat exactly like it on Etsy and I am going to buy it and be done with the whole situation. Fresh vegetables from my Amish neighbors are coming in and I have pickles to make! Thank You all for your wise words.

Someday, I aspire to be your kind of person Rockabilly

Thank You very much, Chancellor. i hardly know what to say. I am nobody special, but I have lived long enough to realize sometimes people aren't able to follow through and maybe this is the situation with my sister-in-law. Maybe she has things (unknown to me) in her life that she is coping with and just doesn't have anything leftover for somebody else. I choose to think this way. It's much more peaceful.

[Koolkat]

Hello Rockabilly - I just wanted to let you know that the post I saw yesterday was a reminder all day of the power of forgiveness to bring us inner peace and make the world a better place.