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Last year on this day my love went to heaven, of that I am sure.
But he left me behind, which feels like hell.
I cant stop crying and am canceling my trip tomorrow--too big a crowd and I cant face them---I cant do this, I just cant.

It's OK, you don't have to.

There is no timeline for grief, it will come and go, ebb and flow. Some days will be OK and some won't. It's OK.

Sit with it, feel it, let the images come....... breathe.

One day at a time, my friend,. One day at a time. No more is required.

Breathe.

(And have a cyberhug from me)

Oh Suz, my heart is breaking for you. But if there's any way you can get yourself to go, do it. Maybe being with people who love you and who can hug you and hold you would be a good thing. And everyone will understand if you have to excuse yourself now and then to go be by yourself.

I'm really sorry. It must have been such a long year.

What would he advise you to do if he were right here? Which in a way, our lost loved ones always are.

Anniversaries are always hard. You don't have to face the crowd if you don't want. And you don't need our permission to not go (but we will give you permission). I wish I could give you an in-person hug. And of course he's in Heaven.

Oh Suz. That is so hard. Hugs from me and the pibble. I don't know what else to say except that he will always be with you in your heart but I know that is never enough.

Lovely what bascar said. Sending you a hug.

Anniversaries are hard. So hard that it's kinder to yourself to plan on making them a day to just be with your feelings with no expectations or demands. Forget about tomorrow right now. It's not fair to you to put yourself under such pressure. Just be today. Maybe it might make you feel better to do something with friends who also are missing Joe, or making a meal he would love, or a walk he would enjoy. It doesn't take away the pain but acknowledging it and giving the person a place of honor on the day somehow helps me.

I'm with you Suz. October 15 was a year since Harry died. I find that the week leading up to an anniversary is worse than the day of for some reason. Most days are pretty good but there are some days that I go into that special hell. Joe and Harry will always be part our lives. ((HUGS))

Robyn

Oh Scruffy, GOOOOOOOD idea!

What bascar and scruffy said. ...

Gently. Gently. Breathe. Don't feel obligated to be part of a big holiday crowd when you're just not feeling it. I'm sure they love you and will understand.

Hugs to you.

Hugs. Big ones.

Huge hugs to you. I can not imagine the hole in your heart.

I echo what Bascar said- be kind to yourself. I am sorry that you are hurting and wish I could ease the pain.

Sending you hugs and another wish there was some way to make it better.

One more person here thinking about you. Wishing there was a way to ease your pain. Hugs dear DDBB friend. Seize life.

I don't have turkey day until 3, pacific time.

Will check in with you that day and see how you are coping.

Other peeps?

So many hugs for you. As others had said, you don't have to "do this"…right after it happened, now, 2 years from now, whenever. Others who have not been through it may not get that, but they should at least get you. And if they don't, that's on them, not on you…which to me is the hardest part to truly be OK with in things like this. You do what you need to do to keep going.

I am so sorry for your pain.

It is hard to feel the intensity of loss--especially if you've taken a break from it for awhile. Hugs to you and hope you have some people/animals who will let you be quiet, cry or scream around them!

With painful feelings, it always helps me to remember that the nature of emotions is to flow through the body--not be held inside the body.

Thinking of you.

Kirby's Keeper wrote:I'm with you Suz. October 15 was a year since Harry died. I find that the week leading up to an anniversary is worse than the day of for some reason. Most days are pretty good but there are some days that I go into that special hell. Joe and Harry will always be part our lives. ((HUGS))

Robyn

Hugs to you, too, Robyn.

Carpevita, trust that whatever you feel is right. Be kind, and true, to yourself. Be gentle and respectful of yourself, not the expectations of others. One day at a time. Every day.

Hugs to all of you who are broken by grief. The glue will come, you'll get better.

(((((((((robyn)))))))))))))
thanks you guys--its wonderful to still have you all as a sounding board. Thank YOU chance, for making it possible here.
I stayed home and am better today---like a page has turned maybe.

Suz, the page maybe hasn't exactly turned yet but in staying home, it was fine and allowed you to take a deep breath and morn the anniversary. I can't imagine what you must be thinking and feeling but whatever it is, it is right for you and that is all that matters. Everyone and everything else... they need to come second to you.

We're all here for you and have wrapped you in a huge, collective DD hug {}

Sending a giant hug to you from this side of the pond. Sorry to be late in sending it

(((carpevita)))
hugs from new england-- anniversaries are hard!

About "the page turning"- I don't know what exactly the phenomenon is, but I do struggle on the anniversaries and the week leading up to them. I also feel quite a bit better the next day. The feeling is pretty strong on my sister's anniversaries and that makes sense, since she was the most recent one, but what's strange is sometimes I have a really low day and can't put my finger on why and then it turns out it was the anniversary of my mother's death or birthday and she has been dead since 1989. I guess my subconscious keeps track even when my current brain no longer is as aware of the dates as before. In a way it's nice- it means they always are with you.

Hugs to you, Suz, and Robyn and bascar, and for everyone who knows what this is all about.

Hope you are feeling better!

I do hope you're feeling better. I know the grief well and understand how you feel. I wish we had little angel wings here to wrap around you.

I am better now, though tbh the date of his death is today--however I saw his spirit leave on the wed eve before thanksgiving morning---so that is the anniversary in my mind.
Yesterday I went for a long walk, had a relaxed early dinner w old friends and then a late dinner w my housemates--so I had plenty of good food and company and I was not the center of any drama thank goodness.
More (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to those still mourning.

((((((((Suz)))))))) and more hugs to you.

You took care of yourself, and did what you needed.

I still can't imagine what you are going through.

More hugs and good thoughts sent to you.

Ugh first anniversaries are SO difficult, and like scruffy, I have such a hard time the week leading up to my mom's birthday or "death day". I always feel better the very next day, and usually prefer to be alone. I am glad you did what you needed to do.
(((hugs)))

I do not think it is the same as losing your life partner, but the first anniversary of the day of the fire was very intensely difficult, but as you said, almost the next day, it seemed that there was a difference in my grief. Each anniversary was easier.

i would like to send you a hug and i would like to wish for you that each day is easier than the last, until you can enjoy and appreciate the memories.

I'm late reading and replying to this, but I wanted to send more hugs and positive thoughts your way.

I'm glad you were able to spend the day looking after your self AND with good food and company.

I'd also like to echo Chisamba's beautiful words:

Chisamba wrote:
i would like to send you a hug and i would like to wish for you that each day is easier than the last, until you can enjoy and appreciate the memories.