You could delay someones chemo

[Shirrine]

Was talking to the people going through rehab with me today and all were in agreement. Although we know that you care and want to show it please please do not give chemo patients a hug. They could be low on their blood counts or just shy of getting anything. Time to give them hugs is when they are finished but to catch something means their chemo might be dalayed. WE DO NOT WANT OUR CHEMO DELAYED.

Shirrine

[Minz]

Hear hear!! (Or is it here here?) I have gotten pretty good at preempting hugs, and being very vocal about staying away from me if you think you have even the slightest hint of a cold etc. Unfortunately you can't kick family out of their own house. I am frantically drinking orange juice and gargling salt water because I think I am getting my mom's cold. And since I have pathological fractures of both my sternum and right collarbone, I kind of need to live here until I can drive and even dress myself again. Cancer really sucks. Relapse #4 and just entered a phase 1 drug trial with immunotherapy treatment. Crossing my fingers that this one works better than the last drug.

[Shirrine]

I avoided a cold all winter and went to dr 3 weeks ago and walked out with a cold. :/

Shirrine

[scruffy the cat]

I kind of think hugs are somewhat less dangerous (unless you have pathological fractures of your sternum and collarbone!) than shopping cart handles and doorknobs to doctor's offices, especially the GP, where everyone goes when they have some sort of terrible virus that they need to seek care. My son picked up pneumonia that way. Church is also pretty terrible. Lots of people in varying states of health, all touching hard surfaces and leaving their germs.

[carpevita]

Fwiw, if your dr approves of it, elderberry has proven excellent at virus protection in my household. Elderberry syrup in a cup of hot water before bedtime has kept me cold and flu free for quite a few years.

[angela9823]

I'd have a really hard time being asked not to hug a loved one going through chemo. I know I look at this from the outside in, but I can't imagine not wanting to be hugged for fear of getting sick too. Scruffy makes a valid point. There are so many other ways to catch something, receiving love just doesn't seem to be the worst case of getting something. Please don't think I'm being callous to your feelings on the matter. We each choose how to protect ourselves. Perhaps asking people not to visit might help in this matter? Because I'm not sure you can protect yourself from what they may have otherwise. Do they wear a mask and gloves and protection around their clothing? If not, you may touch something from something they have touched?? And science has proven that hugs boost the immune system: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/1 ... 49398.html

Last week my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. We HOPE its caught early enough that he doesn't need chemo. Won't know til after his operation and the resulting biopsy this week. Right now I can't imagine not hugging him during that time because he might catch something. It saddens me. And while this isn't about me, I can't imagine he would want that either.

[KathyK]

I'd have a really hard time being asked not to hug a loved one going through chemo.

You're right-- this is not about you. It's about helping people with compromised immune systems avoid getting sick.

[Racetrackreject]

IAnd science has proven that hugs boost the immune system: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/1 ... 49398.html

Last week my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. We HOPE its caught early enough that he doesn't need chemo. Won't know til after his operation and the resulting biopsy this week. Right now I can't imagine not hugging him during that time because he might catch something. It saddens me. And while this isn't about me, I can't imagine he would want that either.

I think part of the point, besides making them miss treatments, is that many taking chemo basically have NO immune system, so there is nothing to boost and therefore nothing to fight any bugs. Why chance it? Why risk someone's life, literally, because you have a need to hug them?

I have a very good friend who has one of the myeloma's and is almost constantly on chemo right now. Her health would be devastated if I were to give her a little bug. Not only that, but her treatment would be set back and she just can't afford that either.

I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis.

[angela9823]

I'd have a really hard time being asked not to hug a loved one going through chemo.

You're right-- this is not about you. It's about helping people with compromised immune systems avoid getting sick.

Agreed. This is why I'd take the stance of no visitors. As long as there are visitors that person takes the risk. But people are individuals. I don't think anyone can say don't hug anyone going through chemo. It is up to the sick individual to make that decision. I was expressing MY feelings on how hard it would be as a loved one to be told not to do it; wasn't saying I would not honor that person's wishes. It would be much easier to hear they could not welcome visiting individuals but would take phone calls instead.

[angela9823]

Why chance it? Why risk someone's life, literally, because you have a need to hug them?

I have a very good friend who has one of the myeloma's and is almost constantly on chemo right now. Her health would be devastated if I were to give her a little bug. Not only that, but her treatment would be set back and she just can't afford that either.

I think you guys misunderstood my post. I never suggested compromising the OP's situation or others like it. I'm discussing how hard it is as a caretaker or loved one to be told not to do it. My suggestion instead is to ask for no visitors. It is hard to control emotions of someone in person otherwise. It is hard to control the situation in general - what they touch etc if they visit.

Not everyone's chemo is the same though. Many people undergoing chemo now are just doing this in a pill format and don't have the compromised systems others have. They still go to work everyday. IF you are in general population still, it seems strange to not ask for a hug when you are going to public bathrooms and like someone else said, handling public door knobs etc. Shirrine might not/might be in that group. But not all chemo patients are in the no hug category though. It is up to the individual and we respect that person's wishes.

I was giving my feeling about what it would be like on the other side of the table is all.

[Shirrine]

I think with someone you are living with it is alright for hugs, they are exposed to you every day. It is more about people outside the house hold. Onn the savage stuff i stayed home but on what I am on now I have been out and about and I hae had people come up and give me hugs. I feel awful about telling people not to when all they do is care about how I am. Maybe ask first.

Shirrine

[scruffy the cat]

Asking first is the right thing to do. Admittedly I'm not a hugger, but I simply cannot imagine hugging someone with such a critical illness, asking or not. Maybe because my family members either had devastating pain or pathological bone fractures like Minz, but it just was not even on my radar of acceptable things to do.

That being said, I still think that doorknobs, handles, countertops, even a handshake, etc. pose a bigger risk than a quick hug, unless the person has a horrible cold.

[bailey]

Great post with good suggestions. Many people I've known/worked with have some physical discomfort or pain during this time, and when I was going through breast cancer treatment & recovery I had a general soreness for many months so hugs were hard. I liked the shoulder hug, where one would drape an arm lightly over my shoulders but not hug or press on me...that felt good. I also try to remember to wash my hards/use that hand gel a lot to keep the germs at bay.... For people not necessarily close, I like the idea of asking them if it's ok to give them a hug.

[Rhianon]

I can't imagine how hard that is. I am on long-term drugs that compromise my immune system. In my case it is not life or death, just a pain in the arse. I try not to make my health a big topic of conversation. But, damn it, I have told you that if you have a cold or other bug, PLEASE stay away from me.

About hand gel. I have been told that some kinds are drying and actually make it easier for crap to get through your skin. Anybody heard that?

(May I also rant about the two (2!) people I saw at the supermarket the other day sneeze and cough out into the air, and then rub their hands over their nose to ... well, disperse the snot I guess. )

[angela9823]

Well...I'm revisiting this to discuss something similar. Hubby had surgery yesterday to remove mass/tumor and part of colon. We requested no extra visitors after coming out of surgery. Even called family and asked them to please wait until next day to visit. You would not believe the number of people that insisted upon coming anyway. We already have four of us family members and a friend that really is a family member there and I was even asking some of them to leave after finding how much pain he was in. He couldn't pee at first but had a constant sensation of feeling like he had to go. But people INSISTED upon being there. Every time I left room, I came back and someone new was there completely ignoring sign on door.

[Josette]

angela - I would politely but firmly ask them to leave. It is very inconsiderate to force themselves on someone in this situation - especially when you requested no visitors so soon after surgery. I would go the nurse station and request no visitors if this is possible. Some people mean well but they have poor timing and lack of understanding if they never went through an extensive procedure. There are times when a patient needs some privacy during this recovery period. I would insist on it. Hugs

[angela9823]

angela - I would politely but firmly ask them to leave. It is very inconsiderate to force themselves on someone in this situation - especially when you requested no visitors so soon after surgery. I would go the nurse station and request no visitors if this is possible. Some people mean well but they have poor timing and lack of understanding if they never went through an extensive procedure. There are times when a patient needs some privacy during this recovery period. I would insist on it. Hugs

This for sure. I just would not think people would do that. As stated above, if someone told me no visitors, I'd honor that and actually feel it was a relief. I feel awkward visiting people in the hospital at times.

I believe the family thinks I'm being selfish. His sisters/brothers think it is me not wanting them there. No. I welcome the break to get away and his mom is welcome at any time. What I don't appreciate is them talking to doctors when I'm not there and getting/relaying wrong information. OR feeding him jello when he is restricted to NOTHING. They didn't have to sit there while he cramped all night as a result. Yes, it happened. Since he's not on ICU, it isn't the nurses' jobs to restrict people unfortunately. They can request them to leave when they see them there but no one had to pass the nurses' station to get in his room. It got ugly because his brother was upset that I was asking him to leave just for the evening. DH isn't a real private person, however, he's sitting there straining to pee...no one else (not me either) needs to be sitting there staring at him. His brother wanted to pray over/with him. He was upset that DH didn't want his preacher there that morning. Sigh...long night.

After this experience, I completely get the whole message issued by OP. People can be really obtrusive to others in these situations. I hope I take this as a lesson to really ASK a person what is okay with them and then honor that or listen to what the caretakers are saying.

[viscountessleftfield]

Fwiw, if your dr approves of it, elderberry has proven excellent at virus protection in my household. Elderberry syrup in a cup of hot water before bedtime has kept me cold and flu free for quite a few years.

Do you know if it's pregnancy safe?

I just got over stomach virus #2 and am coming down with a cold. I have no immune system and need a bubble.