babies change everything!

[carpevita]

I guess this is where I can disclose the newest family thing of all---dd and her dh have decided to make a baby!
They have been anti baby since they started dating at fifteen, but now at the ripe old age of 33 they have decided they are too damn happy not to share their happiness!
So the current tentative plan (she is an event planner after all) is to conceive during the holidays for a baby this time next year.

I'm thrilled of course, though to be honest it will probably really make a change in my plans, which are finally coming together and feel very good about.

My bff and I are about to make an offer on the home she's renting, (as in she wrote the proposal last night) so I will be living a good 4 hours away form the kids and baby. Our other friend is really psyched to join us , so we are basically about to plunge into our intentional community after discussing it and playing with the idea for the past 25 years!


BUT BUT BUT-----I WANT to be there with my dd and her baby as much as possible--we even discussed buying a home next door to them when Joe was alive and they first were discussing making babies.
But with Joe no longer physical, I don't necessarily want to move to a new town and start over---knowing only my dd and her dh and the baby.
I really want to live with my bff, but am very torn over it.

I suppose I could commute for a long weekend a month or something, but I feel kind of stuck about it now.
Happy yet worried I suppose...

[Linde]

I agree. move in with your BFF.

Also if your dd and her husband are in their thirties, depending on their careers, they might move around a bit in the upcoming years anyways.

[carpevita]

I lived with my parents until my first baby was 18 months old, and leaving them behind when my dh and baby moved was the MOST gut wrenching thing for everyone, especially my poor baby----I would never EVER sign up for that again.

Dd and her dh actually prefer that I live next door----for child care and the basic village approach to raising kids.
Their new huge home has a designated mom (me) space, I may get that apartment/cottage built sooner rather than later so when I am there i'll be in my own space. They intend to each work from home 1-2 days a week, so childcare wont be as much as an issue as we all thought.
It will work itself out, I can take the train back and forth easily enough when the time comes.

IM GONNA BE A GRANDMA!!!!!!!

[carpevita]

Lol, I know they want me there for a few reasons--one of which is I will cost less than daycare!!

she's not even preggers yet and im a grandma, lol!!!

[Spotted at X]

Having lived 8 hours and 4 states from my mum and dad for the last 6 years, and two kids, I think 4 hours would be doable. Obviously not as easy as living 20 minutes away, but you have to take care of yourself too.

You could do a four hour drive for a four day weekend without it taking an entire day, you get to spend time with the granbaby and don't end up becoming the 'dumping' ground for the baby/toddler every five minutes. That is the best part of being a grandmother right? (So I'm laughingly told at least!) You get to send them Home!

I have a Girlfriend who lives here and her mum is 10 minutes away, she leaves her daughter there sometimes for a week! O.o. I haven't asked her mother, obviously, about this arrangement but I do often wonder if this is overstepping her mother's generosity at times! Having said that, we will be moving back to FL to be close to family now that we have two, but that's more because I NEVER get away from them now. I haven't seen a movie or had dinner out with Lou alone in the three years! Which is equally nuts! Lol

[boots-aregard]

I lived with my parents until my first baby was 18 months old, and leaving them behind when my dh and baby moved was the MOST gut wrenching thing for everyone, especially my poor baby----I would never EVER sign up for that again.

Dd and her dh actually prefer that I live next door----for child care and the basic village approach to raising kids.
Their new huge home has a designated mom (me) space, I may get that apartment/cottage built sooner rather than later so when I am there i'll be in my own space. They intend to each work from home 1-2 days a week, so childcare wont be as much as an issue as we all thought.
It will work itself out, I can take the train back and forth easily enough when the time comes.

IM GONNA BE A GRANDMA!!!!!!!

CONGRATS!

I did not stay home with my own kids but I did get to nanny Grandbaby #2. *Really* nanny. 5 days a week, 8-10-12 hours a day. It's wonderful but it's also heavy lifting, and not terribly stimulating. I think training in on Tuesday, to be g-Nanny Weds and Thurs, then training back home sounds like a dreamy schedule. Lovely baby time, enough time off for DD and DSIL to get some rest and have a date nite, and then you go home to your own concerns for 5 days a week.

Not sure how much work _you_ are doing right now, but that's the kind of schedule I'd be looking at IIWY. New parents need sleep and they don't get anywhere near enough of it if they are working days and baby minding at night.

My BFF said, "You should never move to follow your children" when I did it. Guess what she's doing now?

But, no, you don't need to live in their pockets, particularly if they have a spot for you (as you say they do) and if there's good transportation to get there (you've mention a train).

Babies are so sniffy. Love 'em.