Reinventing Yourself?

[Rhianon]

On Used-to-be-Fallingwater's update she said she was "reinventing" herself. I like that idea!

I need something to get myself out of the feeling that "Life as we know it" has ended for me. And I think it's an especially relevant topic for a board that is reinventing itself.

So, have you ever reinvented yourself? Would you like to? If so to either how did you do it?

[Ganas]

Career wise, yes. Otherwise, no. I think I'd need a major psychological overhaul to change.

I'm not entirely sure if I'd like to. There are things I could do better with, like not being such an anal retentive over thinker, but I benefit from that as well and don't want to give those benefits up.

I'd like to be less of a sugar addict, that's for sure.

[Amado]

I may need to, though I haven't quite figured out how yet. (It would be lovely to be less of a sugar addict. )

[Briarwood]

I did. I left Chicago, bought 15 acres in the part of Illinois once referred to as Forgottonia, brought along my retired Lipizzan mare and her BFF, a miniature donkey, and here I am on my little farm. Not the retirement I thought I would have. My husband had Alzheimer's and he progressed to a level that no longer allowed him to be cared for at home. He lived his last years in an excellent care facility. Unfortunately it was 5+ hours away from Chicago, I drove there every 2 weeks for over 2 years. I was still working in a demanding, high pressure position in Chicago and I was almost 62. I started looking for a place to live that was closer to my husband. I figured that if I was going to uproot myself I might was as well really make a change and started looking for a small place (5 acres or so) where I could bring my horse with me. It took me a year, but I finally found where I now live. Small house and small barn on 15 acres. I quit my job and sold our home in Chicago. I hired the man who ran the barn where I boarded my mare to come and help setup the barn and turnouts. I followed him around and watched everything he did. I had boarded for years, but never drove a tractor, put in, much less repair, hot wire, find someone to bale hay from my hayfield, haul in water to my well when we had the drought 2 years ago, and lots and lots of other things that I can now do. Some of which I enjoy and some of which I dread, but need to be done. September was my 6 year anniversary here. My husband is now gone, as is the mare and here I am with 2 miniature donkeys and a pony. I have made several new friends here and one serious enemy (who unfortunately owns the property to the east of mine, but luckily does not live there).

So I think that qualifies as reinventing myself.

[Spiritpaws]

I think of reinventing more as the continual flow of evolving. I hope I am reinventing myself every day, from softening the edges, to listening to my heart.

[Janet]

I am at a stage in my life where I think "reinventing" is appropriate. My only daughter left for college this fall, so I am an empty nester. I hadn't really given it the term "reinventing" rather I have been calling it "refocusing". Before my DD was born, horses were my whole life. For the past 19 years, she has been more of a focus. Now that I have succeeded with her, I want to get back to me! This isn't an instantaneous reinvention, rather a slow evolution.

I started to refocus two and a half years ago when I got a new horse. It has taken us this long to really get to know one another, but now I have a strong bond with him, we have worked through some of the physical issues (for both of us), and now I think I am ready to really attack my goals of becoming the rider I have always wanted to be. I finally am financially secure enough to take consistent lessons, and I finally have a horse who is super talented. I'm not quite sure where this will lead. I don't actually enjoy competition, so I don't see myself in the show ring, but I haven't put an end to the journey yet, so who knows.

[Briarwood]

My response may not be what the original poster or others had in mind. However moving from a urban life style to a very rural one involved not only a life style change, but a change in my outlook on life and thought processes in almost everything I do.

[Rhianon]

Briarwood--I think you story is amazing and inspirational.

I like Janet's idea of "refocusing." One of the things I read lately is helping me--What parts of you have you left behind as life went on that you'd like to rediscover?

6C--No! You cannot have more rotten luck. That's just not fair.

I may have to write Spiritpaw's words on my wall:

"I think of reinventing more as the continual flow of evolving. I hope I am reinventing myself every day, from softening the edges, to listening to my heart."

[PaulaO]

My reinventing came about as a result of the Triple Crown of Death in my life. I lost both my brothers and my horse within 3 months. I also lost a huge part of my social life since that was entwined with the barn and my so-called barn friends dropped me like a f'in hot potato, including my best friend of 20 years.

I had to figure out what to do with my extra time, and money, and emotions. With the help of pharmaceuticals and therapy, I took time to let life develop organically. I discovered yoga, and weight training. And travel. I found the people who loved me and strengthened those relationships. I've become much closer to my sister, my only sibling. We had our rough times dealing with the brothers but that made us stronger.

My life is pretty content. I do the things I want to do and have strength to not do what I don't want to do. I redid my entire condo and went on a 2 week adventure to Paris. I begin shareboarding Tucker next month.

In my case, reinvention came from necessity and death. I wanted to put distance between unhealthy relationships but was unable to do it until the involved parties died. Very much like Briarwood, I've had to change my outlook and thought processes in almost every area. It's been a rough difficult journey, just like dressage.

[awa]

life, as i know it did a full 180 last weekend - and no, it wasn't just the udub exploding, my horsey life went up in flames, too...

still processing it all. don't really want to air my woes publicly as wounds are too raw atm.
so this thread is more than timely. . .

Me, too. Hugs to you.

[kande50]

My reinventing came about as a result of the Triple Crown of Death in my life. I lost both my brothers and my horse within 3 months. I also lost a huge part of my social life since that was entwined with the barn and my so-called barn friends dropped me like a f'in hot potato, including my best friend of 20 years.

Because you no longer had a horse?

[PaulaO]

I'm guessing because I was no longer at the barn. Out of sight, out of mind. It was time for me to move on though. It was painful but the right thing.

[no.stirrups]

I decided to reinvent my life when I decided that I would no longer tolerate life with my now exhusband. We owned a business where I had been working for years, but obviously we wouldn't both be able to continue to do that, and I couldn't rely on him for support, and the horse business was too volatile (the economy had just collapsed), and the entry level job that my chemistry degree would get me didn't pay enough to support me, 2 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, a lizard and 3 horses. (People tend to think that science jobs pay a lot, and chemistry does, but only if you have a M.S. or PhD.) So I was stuck for a while, but then had an opportunity to get my teaching license in one year, tuition paid by the state. My ticket to freedom!

So I went back to school for a year, and then it took another year to land a permanent job. I immediately, same day, started shopping for a place to live. Unfortunately no one would rent to a woman with 2 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, and a lizard, and I couldn't qualify for a mortgage because my finances were still all wrapped up with my now-ex. So I was stuck again. Thank god my parents were able and willing to take out a mortgage on my behalf. I paid for it, but it was in their names. Phew! So I moved out and got divorce proceedings going.

While I love teaching, and kids, and science, the bureaucracy of schools is horrible. Teaching has always been a high burnout job, and with recent changes in testing requirements, etc., even dedicated teachers are bailing. I wasn't that dedicated, for me it was a means to an end, so I quit. That done, and with the divorce final I signed up for a very demanding 6 month saddle fitting course that I'd been wanting to do for years. I was then offered a job in central Ohio teaching science which I took although it required moving again because income is a good thing, and being centrally located is convenient for a saddle fitting to minimize travel time in getting to all parts of the state, and one of my sons had his own place and the other opted to live with his dad so I was free to do what was best for me! When school was out I took off to England to learn more (and took the kids, too! It was awesome).

So I used to be a wife, retail store manager, mother of 2 young teens, and miserable. Then I was a teacher and homeowner who occasionally had time to visit my horses at the boarding barn. Now I'm a saddle fitter with 2 grown kids and one retired horse. Although I'm feeling nomadic as I've yet to actually put down roots in the new area, and my income is unpredictable, I feel more emotionally settled than I have in a very long time. Escaping my marriage enabled me to get to know ME again, and I learned things about me that I only vaguely remembered ever knowing before. I'm me again. I just need to get the riding piece back...

[Sue B]

I reinvented myself once back in high school/college. One day I simple got tired of being so darn shy so I decided to change my actions even if I couldn't change the thought process. If someone called for a volunteer to organize something or be an officer in a club, whatever, I'd jump in with both feet despite being terrified. I have no idea how I came up with the plan, and it took many years for it to feel more "natural", but it did change my life in many wonderful ways. My ds is naturally shy as well, and so I taught him that same technique from a very early age.

[Valerie]

I have re-invented myself twice now. Both times from divorce. I discovered the first time that I was totally capable of running my own life, then forgot that little fact with my second marriage. That one is still not finally divorced, and I still have some heart ache from it, but I am re-discovering that I can do everything I need to do for myself by myself. I have learned that I am NEVER doing this again!

[Rhianon]

Okay, you gals are giving me the courage to just *move forward*!