The end is nigh

Xanthoria
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The end is nigh

Postby Xanthoria » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:12 am

Well, my dream purchase of a highly bred warmblood is about to be over: the Baby Bronto is to be put to sleep soon.

At age 1 he had a shoulder injury.
At age 2 he had multiple soft and hard tissue injuries to his LF in pasture: 6 month rehab
At age 2 he was also diagnosed with PSSM and shivers
At age 6 his LF had a collateral cartilage injury: 8 month rehab
At age 7 he came up with a LH suspensory: we started a 9-12 month rehab... I decided to send him to a rehab facility so he could get The Perfect Rehab.

And three months after that diagnosis he's just been seen by an U/S specialist who dxed him with a RH suspensory, significant cervical arthritis (he has the neck of an 18-28 yr old horse apparently), as well as bony changes to the suspensory in the RH that must have happened quite a while ago, overall significant neurological deficits, and some lameness of the RF that the vets just can't even be bothered diagnosing right now because the whole system appears to be broken...

He's been seen by 3 vets and none of them, nor UC Davis consultants or MSU researchers can explain it aside from thinking the shoulder injury/PSSM/shivers might be causing him to injure himself more, or maybe his soft tissues are just inherently weak.

I started him myself and he made it to first level with me, just about, despite all this, and has been a total dream to train and a lovely, darling pet to be around, full of try, no question answered with a “no” and such adoration for people and all other beings... But he's having trouble lying down, turning around, and is significantly lame.... he can't live in pasture because he's lived there his whole life and he keeps breaking there, and he can't live in a stall for the rest of his life because that’d be cruel. Today I went to visit him and saw that he’s had such trouble getting up that he’s managed to skin himself up pretty badly… Just standing up is hard now.

And so, pretty soon, when the various doctors have arranged to necropsy him to find out WTF is going on in there, I'll be putting him to sleep so he can rest his poor body. I'm heartbroken. After 7 years of trying, I admit defeat.

Somehow, six different people have come up to me at the barn and asked me why don’t you just put him out to pasture and retire him? One, I was advised, was going to have some kind of intervention with me to save his life, and another offered to take him and retire him at her far distant property where he would just… Slowly die? With no supervision? I don’t know. The idea that I have not explored every option, over many years, is pretty hurtful. But I do try to remember Hanlon’s Razor: never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.

I’m going to have to say goodbye to his lovely smooshy muzzle and relentlessly soft eyes. All 1500# of his gorgeous hunky frame that I felt so safe on, and his whinny when he sees me. It’s going to be so bloody hard.

:cry:

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby StraightForward » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:30 am

Xan, I am so sorry. You have gone above and beyond for this horse for years, and it truly sounds like you're out of humane options. I'm doubly sorry for the dunderheads who are making you feel worse about what is already such a shitty situation.
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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Moutaineer » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:32 am

i'm so very sorry, Xan.

Both for having to make the decision and for the ignorance and insensitivity of other people in the face of it.

Some things just can't be fixed.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Linden » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:37 am

Oh Xan that just about brought me to tears. I am so, so sorry. Of course you have done absolutely everything that could be done for him - don't let anyone plant doubts in your mind or heart. The final kindness you can do for him is to end his suffering. Be confident in the fact that you've struggled for years and there remains nothing to be done to prevent more pain besides letting him sleep. Hugs sweetie
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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Kyra's Mom » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:43 am

{{{{XAN}}}}

It isn't fair but you are surely doing right by your boy...know-it-all bystanders be damned.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Flight » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:48 am

Xan, I'm so sorry :( Very sad thing to have to do. Sounds like you've done everything you can and this, even so sad, is the best thing for him. Massive hugs.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby khall » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:50 am

Oh Xan I am so sorry! I know how difficult it is to have to make that call. What a long struggle you have had with Baby Bronto. Godspeed big guy and big hugs to you Xan.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby fergusnc » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:07 am

Xan, your words and your obvious dedication and love brought on some tears this morning. I don't know the why, but I absolutely believe Baby Bronto landed with you...out of every human on this entire planet...because you were the one who would do right by him in all his strengths and all his needs. You, nobody else. Lessons and growth for you, care and the best shot at comfort and healing for him, love for you both. Right now, it's just about you and him...nobody else. Thank you for being his human. So many hugs for both of you.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Chancellor » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:05 pm

Xan, how absolutely gut wrenching.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Josette » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:07 pm

Xan - I am so sorry you have to go through this heartbreak.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby piedmontfields » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:31 pm

I'm so sorry for that update, Xan, but I completely understand. You and all who loved BB will always have him in your heart. As humans, it is our job to keep them safe and comfortable. And I think Ferguson is right!

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby DJR » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:04 pm

I'm so sorry, Xan. What a heartbreak, repeatedly! Especially on a horse that is so lovable and loving. My thoughts are with you.
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Re: The end is nigh

Postby exvet » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:26 pm

I too am very sorry Xan. I had to go through a very similar experience and fate with my beloved Pro A Myrrdin (aka Merlin). It was tough enough to deal with the decision I faced but made even tougher with others offering to 'save' him from a problem no one could fix or change. It's been 8 years since I had to go through that and put him down. I think of him often; but, would not have done things differently. Hugs and strength to you.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Imperini » Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:56 pm

I'm so sorry Xan. You obviously have done so much for him and are making the decision based on his best interest no matter what anyone else might say.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby WheresMyWhite » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:12 pm

Xan, so sorry and sad to read of your long journey with your boy.

I believe he'll be waiting patiently for you to arrive so you can continue your journey together. {{Xan}}

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Abby Kogler » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:50 pm

I am sick for you. Im so sorry.

People will always be dumb. The things people have said to me over the years, the concern genuine but the idiocy still cruel...they cant help it. I am just happy to at my own house now with no one but my vet and me to make the decisions. Ignore them. I believe they mean well and jut don't realize how patronizing and cruel they are.

I also believe that horses find us for a reason. There is a reason he came to you. You did good by him every step of the way.

FWIW, his history strikes me as consistent with the two ESPA horses I had. If possible, have the necropsy vet do a nuchal ligament biopsy for ESPA. It would explain a lot if it were positive.

All the best, youre a good horse girl. Im so sorry.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Sue B » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:56 pm

OMG Xan! I am so, so sorry about baby Bronto. Your heart must be in a thousand pieces by now. All I can say is God's speed to beautiful green pastures where BB can play for all eternity. :cry: :cry:

PS I think we can all agree that some people are thoughtless and should keep their dumb opinions to themselves.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby heddylamar » Tue Oct 29, 2019 4:54 pm

Oh Xan, this is a heart wrenching update. I'm so sorry.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Srhorselady » Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:02 pm

I’m so sorry. You did everything you possibly could do. You are giving him release out of love. I am crying for you.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Koolkat » Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:09 pm

I'm so sorry to read this, Xan, I think I know this horse's breeding/background and he was a very exciting prospect. And all that nurturing and care just hones that bond with the your sweet Baby Bronto. You did right by your beautiful boy, setting him free from his body is the last right thing to do. Many condolences, KK.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby silk » Tue Oct 29, 2019 7:32 pm

I'm really, really sorry. I've been through similar, but not the vet part. Ended up saying goodbye to my girl. Necropsy was very very telling - the poor girl was totally broken.

Ask your vets to check C6 and C7 vertebrae for abnormalities during the necropsy.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby boco » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:02 pm

I am so so sorry.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby goneriding » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:27 pm

Twice I have made the choice to euthanize a horse who wasn't imminently dying on their own, and twice I faced the well-meaning horse savers who thought surely there must be another option. Nobody loved either of those horses more than me, and I am at peace that I made the right choice for them. You are doing the best thing available to you on his behalf, out of an abundance of love and care. I don't believe horses fear death like we do, but they most certainly experience suffering, which we can spare them. Buy the big sack of carrots and give him a send off for the ages. And sending many hugs for you.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Chisamba » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:49 pm

I think you love that horse best, and that you will make the best choice for him. I am sorry that it is just such a darned sad one. My sympathies, and jingles for you

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Tarlo Farm » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:54 pm

I am so, so sorry for you. I'm putting my 22 yo old broodmare down in the next month. Navicular and winter ice have proven to be a horrible combination and I'm not going to let her slip on a Saturday night in the middle of a snowstorm when the ground is frozen. Because that is when and how it will happen if I don't take control.

You have done everything right by your guy so far. This is just the next right thing to do for him. Better a day too early than an hour too late. {{{{Hugs to you!!!}}}

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Ryeissa » Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:39 pm

Oh no, its so sad. I'm sorry to hear this :(

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby piedmontfields » Wed Oct 30, 2019 12:43 am

Just some more hugs and good wishes for the transition because this is so hard. Thinking of you, X.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Bip » Wed Oct 30, 2019 1:12 am

Oh, no. I’m so sorry.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby scruffy the cat » Wed Oct 30, 2019 1:39 am

I hate that dumb people can be so cruel, even if it is unintentional. I hated it when it happened to me and I hate it even more now that it is happening to you. You have done everything you can for your boy. Over and over again, no less. I'm so sorry for how sad and awful this is.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby PhoenixRising » Wed Oct 30, 2019 2:48 am

I’m so sorry, my heart hurts for you.
I know how hard it is to trust yourself when everyone around you is trying to make you doubt your decision. I let people talk me out of putting my Doberman down after she’d become dangerous for far too long.
That to say, you know your horse, you alone understand the full situation, and I’m certain you love him the most. Don’t let them make you doubt or feel bad about what you know in your heart is right.
It really stinks that the right thing for them is often so painful for us.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've imagined!

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby redsoxluvr » Wed Oct 30, 2019 3:57 am

I had the same situation - hopelessly broken horse and all manner of people trying to tell me what I should do to save him. Try this herb, or that majickal supplement or voodoo. It's well meaning, uninformed and arrogant.

I am genuinely sorry for your situation, Xan. I remember you looking for ages and ages for a horse before you found this one. I hope your future horse experiences bring you nothing but joy and happiness.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Wicky » Wed Oct 30, 2019 10:36 am

{{{{{{{{{Xan}}}}}}}}}}} I've been there, heard that. You are doing the right thing, out of your love for your horse, never doubt it!

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby KathyK » Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:02 am

Heartbreaking, just heartbreaking. Doing the right thing can be so very hard. Hugs.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Kelo » Wed Oct 30, 2019 1:54 pm

Xan, I am so, so sorry. This is heartbreaking. Great big hugs to you.

I don't know if this will help at all, but I had a dog with severe health problems. The problems were all "fixable" as in kicking the can down the road, but it was at a tremendous cost. And I did it - I did everything I felt like I could do because he was the sweetest dog in the world and it felt like a betrayal to let him go.

But here's what I learned from the experience: We all are going to die. No matter what you do, or what you wish. We....we just are. And it caused me to mentally readjust - it's not "saving him" - it's prolonging his existence.

And if my dog has to suffer during that existence (as mine did) -- just for a few good moments, just so I could see his happy face at night....is it worth it? Are the days where he couldn't get up, where he was staggering and vomiting, and didn't want his meds, are those worth the happy moments?

That is the terrible burden we are left with, to protect them and make hard choices. We know our animals best, and the love and responsibility is given to you, not to those judgmental schmuckheads.

You have served your sweet horse with all of your heart and energy, and you know what is right. My thoughts are with you.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby LeoApp » Wed Oct 30, 2019 7:12 pm

oh no this is such sad, sad news. I am so very sorry on so many levels. Huge hugs for you, my dear. :(

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Hot4Spots » Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:25 pm

Xan, I am so, so sorry. It's particularly hard when they are relatively young. Don't let others guilt you. You've done your best for him and It sounds to me very much like the right decision. ((hugs))

Despite having owned several horses, I've only had to make that decision once, and that individual, Erik, was 24. It made it ever so slightly easier. I should feel sorry for myself, I suppose, and I do moan and groan a bit on occasion. I got my dream horse - big, pretty mover, Appaloosa, and a sweetie, if temperamentally a little hotter than I would like. Then at 11, a bad suspensory injury that ended any thought of dressage career. He, at least, is rideable, lightly, walk/trot only. He can't be turned out to pasture, but he has a big stall and a moderate sized paddock, and I get him out one way or the other every day. But eventually, that pastern is going to drop sufficiently that I will have to make that decision, too, but I am fortunate that is down the road a way and I can enjoy him, in his limited way for the foreseeable future.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Rosie B » Thu Oct 31, 2019 1:37 pm

I am Sooooooo sorry. (((((hugs))))) Animals live only in the present. If the present is extremely painful and there is no promise or hope of a return to health, then the kind thing to do is to end their suffering. I am so sorry you and baby Bronto are in this position.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Anne » Fri Nov 01, 2019 6:59 am

Xan, adding my thoughts and cyber hugs for your courageous and correct decision. Kia kaha.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Hayburner » Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:49 pm

Xan. So sorry you have to make this final decision for him. To lose such a young one and one you have fought so hard to save is heart wrenching. My prayers and healing vibes in this lose are with you. Hugs

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby zevida » Sun Nov 03, 2019 9:42 pm

I am so sorry to hear; what a terrible position. But it sounds like you are being the ultimate horsewoman and doing the right thing to end his suffering.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby NancyP » Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:26 am

((( )))

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby KathyK » Wed Nov 06, 2019 2:29 am

Xanthoria wrote:Somehow, six different people have come up to me at the barn and asked me why don’t you just put him out to pasture and retire him? One, I was advised, was going to have some kind of intervention with me to save his life, and another offered to take him and retire him at her far distant property where he would just… Slowly die? With no supervision? I don’t know. The idea that I have not explored every option, over many years, is pretty hurtful.

Also, these people need to be told to f*** off.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby Bip » Wed Nov 06, 2019 11:03 pm

People who haven’t been in this situation just can’t comprehend. I’d had horses for 30 years before it happened to me and nothing had prepared me for it. I knew a horse could up and die, and I knew it could be in an accident and I would have to make a hard decision. I did not know that a young horse could just have something that would cause persistent pain not necessarily obvious to the casual observer. It had not occurred to me that retiring it a big pasture could be a cruel option. It took a long time to process. I’m actually really lucky that people haven’t given me grief about it because his passing was unfortunately public (I was not there, and the vet used very poor judgement. Whatever the opposite of discretion is). Only people who haven’t been in this situation can believe you are making some sort of choice. It’s not really a choice or a decision. It’s just an unfortunate series of events that happened, with a very sad ending.

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Re: The end is nigh

Postby awa » Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:22 pm

Xan, it's beyond heart-breaking. No words are enough to console you and support your well-considered plan. You've done so much for him at great cost both financially and emotionally. We here understand and send virtual hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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